Thursday, September 15, 2011

Accepting the Flaws and Discovering What it Means to be "Fit"

I wrote this for my MyFitnessPal blog, and I am a little embarassed to let people who actually know me read this! So please be kind and don't take offense to the words "saggy boobs!" LOL

I was doing a little forum browsing, checking out some awesome success stories and reading up on some exercise advice. I came accross a topic about "big" versus "little" women and what men prefer (I think the person who posted was comparing a size 14 to a size 6). I read through several of the comments; there's a ton. It was mind boggling to me to see that a lot of men prefer what they call "curves." But then this also raised the question in my mind: What kind of curves? Big curves? Little curves? Smooth curves? Lumpy curves? Fit curves?

Then then word wouldn't leave my head: FIT. What does it mean to be fit? Having a healthy BMI? Eating right? Exercising? Okay, all that seems fair. But what does it mean to look fit. Go to, type in "fit women" and look at the images (be careful.. there's some nudity.. yikes!). Those women are what someone somewhere defined as "fit," but are they curvy enough for the likings of the male population? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... right?

I'm trying to finally be okay with my body. It's not perfect; I have stretch marks from puberty and pregnancy, a c-section scar, spider veins, freckles... My stomach is lopsided, I have a birth mark on top of my foot that looks like dirt (my mom used to try and scrub it off when I was little!), one big toe is half an inch longer than the other, I've got baby hands, pimples on my face (I'm 23.. when will they go away!? lol), my boobs are saggy from breastfeeding, and I have scars literally everywhere from growing up on a dairy farm and playing every sport my teeny tiny school offerred. I have a funny looking chin and nose. Oh... and I have a lisp. Most people say they don't notice it, especially people who have known me for a long time because I think they just get used to it, but it's there, and I am constantly aware of it.

But who notices all ^^^^^^^^^^ of that? Me. That's it. And why am I constantly aware of all my flaws? Because somewhere deep inside, I'm always wondering what other people think of me. I wonder if I'm what some would call "fit." Am I the right kind of "curvy"? I have been basing this whole journey off of what other people think. Really. I've been saying I'm doing it for my kids; I'm doing it for my husband; I'm doing it for God because my body is a temple. But the truth is, I'm doing it for complete strangers who don't even care. I'm doing it for the people I haven't seen in a while so that they can look at me and say, "Wow, you look amazing!" I've been doing it for complements, not for "fitness." This realization is driving me bonkers.

As I read comments on what men like in a woman, look at pictures on Google of "fit women", and briefly take a look at my own reflection in the bathroom mirror, I realize that I shouldn't be doing this for anyone else, because quite frankly, other people's opinions of me don't really matter anway. So I am going to take baby steps in making this about what I think of ME. The next time my husband says, "Honey, you look amazing" (or he grabs my tush, which basically means the same thing!), instead of my response being something about my stretch marks, my flabby belly, or my saggy boobs, I'm just going to simply look him in the eye and say, "Thank you." And maybe, just maybe, I'll actually believe it and feel amazing, too.