"The Best Mom in the World"

If you're a mom, then you know--Moms have a very. tough. job.

I'm not just talking about just carrying a baby inside of us for 9 (actually 10!) months. Yes, we carry our babies.... but we also become stepmoms to someone else's babies. We adopt babies. We become "second moms" to our children's friends. And I know plenty of women that choose not to have children or can't have children--but trust me, they're still moms. Maybe they're a dog mom... or an aunt mom... or a teacher mom... or a church mom... And without these moms, I don't know that the rest of us could make it. They help, they babysit, they pray, they spoil our babies rotten!

Little Miss Blakely is now 5 months old. I swear: I was pregnant for 10 years and then she turned 5 months in less than a week. Something about this doesn't add up!

She's growing up so fast, as are my other two "babies." Ali is almost a teenager and about to be in middle school. Jordan is turning into a little independent man and finishing up the 1st grade. They still love me unconditionally, but the days of crying for mommy when they have a booboo are over. Gone are the days of rocking them to sleep or throwing them in the air like they weigh nothing at all. We're now passed the stages of needing mom to check the closet for boogie monsters. I don't even get to pick out their clothes anymore!

Wasn't it yesterday that I carried my sweet step daughter down the aisle the day my husband and I got married? I can still remember the first time I tried teaching her how to pitch a softball, or the time I took her to the hospital when she had pneumonia. I remember holding Jordan for the first time after he was born. I can still hear his little voice saying "Mama" over and over and over again. I can vividly remember the time Ali and Jordan thought they could hide from me in the bathtub, and Ali tried convincing me that the noise Jordan was making was actually her pet bird! So funny!!

I think about all this and then look down at my youngest and realize that this is IT. She'll be my last baby to want mama to kiss her booboos, my last daughter to teach how to pitch a softball, the last first steps I'll get to experience. That makes me so sad!

What makes me even more sad are the things I missed with my first two kids because I was trying to be SO PERFECT. I remember one morning when Jordan was maybe a year and a half, I was about to grab him and walk out the door to head to work when I noticed he had found a green marker and marked ALL OVER HIS FACE! I remember being so annoyed and disgruntled at the situation. Here I was, not running late (for once!), and I had to deal with such a burden of cleaning the marker off his face. I wish I could go back and instead enjoy that hilarious moment. I wish I could erase the frustration of being late for work and instead bask in the blessing of having such an ornery, curious, perfect little boy!

Carrying Ali down the aisle... December 19, 2009

After the Storm that was Jordan, we seriously swore we would never have another kid! Two was plenty! I'm so so so so glad that God laid it on both our hearts to make room for just one more. I've learned so much about myself as a mother this time around. I've been a different type of mom with each kid.

For Ali, being my step-daughter meant I seriously had NO IDEA how to be a mom. I was 22 years old with a 4 year old daughter... I spoiled that girl plumb rotten! LOL Not that she minded one bit! It's been a hard process of figuring out what my role is in her life. I love her like she's mine and I always will. Our relationship is very unique and special. It may not be the "typical" mother-daughter relationship, but it's still one SO FULL of love and appreciation.

Jordan's first jog with me... he didn't like it! LOL

And Jordan, being my fussy, colicky, earache baby, I hardly remember the first 6 months of his life! I was just SO TIRED. I started a new job when he was 3 months old, I went back to school for my Masters when he was 8 months old, and the next two years revolved around finishing school, figuring out how to be a step-mom, and trying to appear to having the "perfect" life. HA. God stepped in during those years and really worked on my heart. And my fussy little baby grew out of the colic and ear aches. He learned how to crawl, walk, run... ride a bike, throw a baseball, shoot a basketball. He started school, learned his alphabet, his sounds, then how to read. And it all happened SO FAST.

Blakely snoozing away on me... so sweet

And now there's Blakely, my little sassy fireball! I'm definitely not a perfect mom with any of my kids, but I think this time around I'm at least a little wiser. I'm wise enough to know that crying and tantrums and teething and changing diapers and sleepless nights won't last forever. I've grown more patient, more understanding, more nurturing. I've learned to cherish even the difficult moments. I finally learned to just CRY when things are hard and not pretend that I'm okay! The first couple months after Blakely was born were so hard, I think that's just a standard thing for moms.

I remember holding Blakely while sitting on the recliner and just crying, tears running down my face because I felt like I was FAILING. And Jordan came over to me and said, "Mom, why are you sad?" And I said, "Because I'm not a very good mommy." And he said, "I'm sorry. You know what I think? I think you're the best mom in the world."

Queue the SOBBING. If I hadn't been crying already, geeeez... at that point I was ugly crying because seriously, what did I do to deserve such a sweet little boy!? Maybe he just doesn't know any better, or maybe, really, I'm not failing after all.

I am so beyond blessed to have the amazing children God has given me!