Thursday, April 12, 2012

If I Knew Then What I Know Now...

If I knew then what I know know, I would have been wearing skimpy shorts and belly shirts all through my teen years! HA!

My son is now almost 15 months old. *Tear* I can't believe how time has flown! I have lost about 55 lbs since my heaviest pregnancy weight (I stopped weighing after I hit 175 two weeks before he was born!). And I have been working my butt off (literally!) since my 6 week checkup on March 14, 2011. I reached my goal weight a few months ago an have been maintaining since.

I looked in the mirror this morning and thought to myself, "If it weren't for these stretch marks and loose skin, I'd actually be proud to wear a bikini!!" LOL I still haven't found a one piece swim suit that doesn't make me like like a 70 year old woman, but I'm on the prowl. Till then, I'll just be covering up with a tank top!

Had I known all those years ago how cute I was, I think I would have been flaunting it all a little more! I'm sure my dad is extremely grateful I was a modest girl, though.

However, I am really becoming much more satisfied with how I look. I've always struggled with self-image (hence the modesty!) and I know there will always be something about me that I don't like. Lots of somethings, actually. But I'm getting better. I don't want to be "ashamed" of my body forever. Eventually, I want to just say, "WHO CARES!?" and wear the two-piece bikini anyway, regardless of how gross my stretch marks look. I've even taken off my shirt a few times while running on (wait for it....) public streets!! I mean, yeah, I wait until I'm on that last half-mile stretch that doesn't see a lot of traffic, and I suck it all in when/if a car drives by, but still, I let people see my scarred stomach! I doubt people can really look at me directly anyway; I'm so pale. It probably hurts their eyes to see something so white.