Another Kid Post: Summertime Woes

I saw this on FB and thought: YES YES YES and YES

Perfection Pending by Meredith Ethington

1. Why can't my kids shut the door? WHY? They walk in the house and expect it to just close itself? Where do they get this idea???

2. I don't have to ask "Why is this wet?".. I already know. Either Ali took a shower and then proceeded to drip dry all over the house (I'm not kidding), or one of the kids spilled something and pretended not to know, or it's pee. 

3. Why do I have to remind them EVERY SINGLE TIME to hang up the towel? Am I not speaking the same language as them when I say it? Is drying off their freshly cleansed bodies SO MUCH FUN that they just forget to follow the directions I've been giving them for the past 6 to 11 years?? 

4. PLAY OUTSIDE. I hate to be that "When I was a kid" kind of old lady, but seriously, WHEN I WAS A KID, our parents LOCKED US OUTSIDE and we weren't allowed to come back in until lunchtime. Then after lunch we did it all over again. Last weekend I made them go outside and play and they went outside, shot the basketball for 5 minutes, and came back in. What is wrong with my children!? I LOVE BEING OUTSIDE and they act like it's the most excruciating thing in the world to PLAY. 

5. I don't have to ask who left the water hose running... when it's hooked up to the sprinkler and ON TOP of the trampoline, my guess of either kid is pretty solid. 

6. As soon as my kids walk in from daycare, or as soon as I walk into the house after working out at the gym, the first thing I hear is "Hey mom. What's for dinner?" CAN I HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO JUST BE HOME before you little heathens start asking me to feed you!? Judging by the fact that this happens EVERY DAY, I'm going to go with NO, they can't wait that long. And then one hour after picking at their food at the dinner table and complaining about my cooking... "There's nothing to eat in this house! I'm starving!" Sometimes I feel like the Beast when I yell "THEN GO AHEAD AND STAAAAARVE!" 

7. Why do my children think that someone needs to entertain them? I am your MOTHER, not your personal Activities Specialist. ENTERTAIN YOURSELF.

8. "Play with the toys you already have. You know there are some kids that don't have ANY toys at all!" (I also use a similar phrase concerning food)

I'm not kidding... Jordan thinks that he if he gathers up the things he doesn't play with and "gives them to those kids that don't have any," then that's how he earns new toys. Or... maybe you could just appreciate all the junk--errrr, toys---that you already have and go PLAY WITH THEM you spoiled little stinker!

9. Ali thinks that she deserves to have a friend over EVERY WEEKEND, sometimes during the week, too. Sometimes I just don't feel like it, kid. I love you and I love your friends, but you really don't NEED to have a friend over every single day of your life. Go play with your brother. 

10. "I'm bored." Oh good! I just spent 2 hours mowing the yard, go rake up the grass.. or scrub some toilets, or give me a foot rub. Or, hey, go BE A KID and figure out how to entertain yourself. Outside. Or with your 5 billions toys.