Blakely is 6 Months! (Also: I still have a mom bod)

Blakely is now 6 months old. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!? We're halfway to one year which is practically almost pre-school which is one step away from High School graduation which is code for MOM you're getting old and your babies are gonna leave you! NOOOOO!

Okay so I'm being dramatic, yeah yeah yeah. But seriously, time has flown by in the blink of an eye. Blakely is such a little firecracker with a huge personality.

She loves:

• Looking at herself in the mirror/phone.
• Eating allll the baby food
• Taking baths.
• Putting everything in sight into her little mouth!
• Being held (but you have to entertain her the whole time, none of that snuggly stuff unless she's really tired).
• Being outside and looking at the world.
• Sleeping in her own crib (doesn't sleep well anywhere else!) 
• Playing with her daddy. 
• Looking at brother and sister.
• Shaking her head "no."
• Nursing anywhere from 3 to 8 times a night (LOL and I'm so tired). 
• Mornings! It's my favorite time of day with her because she's all smiles!
• Toot sounds... haha She mimics us now and it's so hilarious!
• Talking! And let it be known that her first intentional word was MAMA! 

She does not love:

• Her car seat. Y'all, when will this madness end!? 
• Green beans. She's also decided to stop eating peas even though two weeks ago she loved them. 
• Taking half a second between bites. I think she wants us to put the baby food in her bottle so she she can suck it all down at once. 
• Sitting still. 
• Being too far away from mommy! 

My sweet little girl... she's sitting up on her own and is thiiiiiiiis close to crawling! She gets up on her hands and knees and starts moving those legs like she's about to take off... but those little chunky arms haven't figured out what to do yet and she usually ends up face planting!

I keep thinking that since she's 6 months old, my body should be back to 100% and I should be super fit and awesome and run really fast and be able to do all the things I could do before getting pregnant. I mean... I worked out while I was pregnant and jumped right back into it 6 weeks after she was born. I'm fit again, right!? LOLOLOL 

I've heard people say that bouncing back after your second kid is way harder than it was with the first. AGREED Y'ALL. I may have lost the baby weight fairly quick (I still have 5 pounds to go but oh well)... but that does in no way reflect my fitness level now. *super loud sigh* Everything is SO HARD. 

I started 10K training a few weeks ago. Not only has my speed decreased BIG TIME, but I can't even go 2 miles without walking, even after several weeks of training! So, running = sucks. AND I've decided to just do the stinking 5K this year. Boohoo! I rarely ever work out at home anymore because it is SO HOT, and I go to the gym two days a week AT MOST. When I do go, I usually skip part of the warm-up, and I pick and choose which of the strength portion to do, and then I finish last on every workout because hey... someone's gotta do it! 

"The Best Mom in the World"

If you're a mom, then you know--Moms have a very. tough. job.

I'm not just talking about just carrying a baby inside of us for 9 (actually 10!) months. Yes, we carry our babies.... but we also become stepmoms to someone else's babies. We adopt babies. We become "second moms" to our children's friends. And I know plenty of women that choose not to have children or can't have children--but trust me, they're still moms. Maybe they're a dog mom... or an aunt mom... or a teacher mom... or a church mom... And without these moms, I don't know that the rest of us could make it. They help, they babysit, they pray, they spoil our babies rotten!

Little Miss Blakely is now 5 months old. I swear: I was pregnant for 10 years and then she turned 5 months in less than a week. Something about this doesn't add up!

She's growing up so fast, as are my other two "babies." Ali is almost a teenager and about to be in middle school. Jordan is turning into a little independent man and finishing up the 1st grade. They still love me unconditionally, but the days of crying for mommy when they have a booboo are over. Gone are the days of rocking them to sleep or throwing them in the air like they weigh nothing at all. We're now passed the stages of needing mom to check the closet for boogie monsters. I don't even get to pick out their clothes anymore!

Wasn't it yesterday that I carried my sweet step daughter down the aisle the day my husband and I got married? I can still remember the first time I tried teaching her how to pitch a softball, or the time I took her to the hospital when she had pneumonia. I remember holding Jordan for the first time after he was born. I can still hear his little voice saying "Mama" over and over and over again. I can vividly remember the time Ali and Jordan thought they could hide from me in the bathtub, and Ali tried convincing me that the noise Jordan was making was actually her pet bird! So funny!!

I think about all this and then look down at my youngest and realize that this is IT. She'll be my last baby to want mama to kiss her booboos, my last daughter to teach how to pitch a softball, the last first steps I'll get to experience. That makes me so sad!

What makes me even more sad are the things I missed with my first two kids because I was trying to be SO PERFECT. I remember one morning when Jordan was maybe a year and a half, I was about to grab him and walk out the door to head to work when I noticed he had found a green marker and marked ALL OVER HIS FACE! I remember being so annoyed and disgruntled at the situation. Here I was, not running late (for once!), and I had to deal with such a burden of cleaning the marker off his face. I wish I could go back and instead enjoy that hilarious moment. I wish I could erase the frustration of being late for work and instead bask in the blessing of having such an ornery, curious, perfect little boy!

Carrying Ali down the aisle... December 19, 2009

After the Storm that was Jordan, we seriously swore we would never have another kid! Two was plenty! I'm so so so so glad that God laid it on both our hearts to make room for just one more. I've learned so much about myself as a mother this time around. I've been a different type of mom with each kid.

For Ali, being my step-daughter meant I seriously had NO IDEA how to be a mom. I was 22 years old with a 4 year old daughter... I spoiled that girl plumb rotten! LOL Not that she minded one bit! It's been a hard process of figuring out what my role is in her life. I love her like she's mine and I always will. Our relationship is very unique and special. It may not be the "typical" mother-daughter relationship, but it's still one SO FULL of love and appreciation.

Jordan's first jog with me... he didn't like it! LOL

And Jordan, being my fussy, colicky, earache baby, I hardly remember the first 6 months of his life! I was just SO TIRED. I started a new job when he was 3 months old, I went back to school for my Masters when he was 8 months old, and the next two years revolved around finishing school, figuring out how to be a step-mom, and trying to appear to having the "perfect" life. HA. God stepped in during those years and really worked on my heart. And my fussy little baby grew out of the colic and ear aches. He learned how to crawl, walk, run... ride a bike, throw a baseball, shoot a basketball. He started school, learned his alphabet, his sounds, then how to read. And it all happened SO FAST.

Blakely snoozing away on me... so sweet

And now there's Blakely, my little sassy fireball! I'm definitely not a perfect mom with any of my kids, but I think this time around I'm at least a little wiser. I'm wise enough to know that crying and tantrums and teething and changing diapers and sleepless nights won't last forever. I've grown more patient, more understanding, more nurturing. I've learned to cherish even the difficult moments. I finally learned to just CRY when things are hard and not pretend that I'm okay! The first couple months after Blakely was born were so hard, I think that's just a standard thing for moms.

I remember holding Blakely while sitting on the recliner and just crying, tears running down my face because I felt like I was FAILING. And Jordan came over to me and said, "Mom, why are you sad?" And I said, "Because I'm not a very good mommy." And he said, "I'm sorry. You know what I think? I think you're the best mom in the world."

Queue the SOBBING. If I hadn't been crying already, geeeez... at that point I was ugly crying because seriously, what did I do to deserve such a sweet little boy!? Maybe he just doesn't know any better, or maybe, really, I'm not failing after all.

I am so beyond blessed to have the amazing children God has given me!

Adjusting to Baby Mom Life (again): 4 Months!

Blakely is now 4 months old -- time flies when you're having fun! Since my babies were so far apart in age, I had forgotten how much WORK a baby is!

I remember the sleepless nights and the crying and the need for "me" time... but I'd forgotten all about how time consuming babies are!

"A Typical Monday - Friday for Mom" by Destiny Darbison

5:00 -6:00: 

Wake up call! 

(Don't bother to set an alarm, you'll be up in plenty of time for work)

6:00-7:30: 

Nurse the baby, shower (if applicable), fix hair (sometimes), 

put on makeup (minimal), brush teeth, pump, 

change baby's diaper, get her dressed, 

pack workout clothes, 

fix breakfast (frozen waffles), prepare coffee, 

pack the breast pump and attachments, 

make lunch, pack snacks, 

wake up the other kids, 

oh and don't forget to put on some respectable work clothes! 

Load everything into the car (don't forget the baby!) and go. 

Turn around and go back 

because I'm still wearing my house shoes.

7:30-8:00 

Listen to the baby cry all the way to daycare 

because she hates her car seat with a passion, 

drop off the baby, go to work, 

all the good parking spaces are gone, 

walk into my office a few minutes late.

8:00-5:00 

Varies. Do worky stuff, pump, meeting, pump, more worky stuff, 

lunch/workout/errands, 

meeting, pump, worky stuff, etc.

5:00-5:45 

Go pick up the baby, listen to her cry all the way home 

(car seat is evil). 

Catch every red light.

5:45-7:30 

Varies. Pump/nurse, maybe workout if the weather doesn't suck 

(Oklahoma has no idea how to weather), 

fix dinner (sandwiches or pizza again!), 

bounce the baby, rock the baby, bounce, rock, play, 

make stupid sounds to make her smile, 

walk around (don't sit down, she hates that), 

nurse, 

finally eat (whatever the food was, it's probably cold by now)

7:30-7:40 

Give the baby her bath. 

Do it really fast because she's not a fan of baths right now 

and will cry the whole time. 

Diaper, lotion, pajamas. 

Smell the baby because she smells sooooo good. 

Give freshly cleaned baby lots of kisses.

7:40-9:00 

Convince the baby it is bed time. 

Spray some of that magic sleepy spray on the bed.

 Bounce, walk, sing, nurse...

 be sure to do all this while laying in an uncomfortable position 

that makes your neck hurt. 

Admire her sweet little face when she finally falls asleep 

because she is so perfect. 

Feel sad because she's growing so fast, 

wasn't she just born yesterday?

9:00-9:30 

Make the other kids (oh yeah, there's more kids!) go to bed. 

Read a story, say prayers, 

convince my son that school is fun and he should be excited to go tomorrow. 

Admire his sweet little face and feel sad that he's grown up so fast. 

Wasn't he a baby yesterday? 

Tell the oldest daughter goodnight and feel sad again 

because she's almost a teenager

 and wasn't she just a little kid yesterday?

9:30-10:00 

Eat everything in the pantry 

(popcorn, dry cereal, old Easter candy, etc.), 

drink some decaf coffee, and try really hard to stay awake 

and watch The Great British Baking Show. 

Read Bible. 

Fall asleep on the couch.

10:00 

Go to bed, pray the baby sleeps all night.

11:30-11:45 

Nurse baby.

1:30-1:45 

Nurse baby.

2:30-2:45 

Nurse baby.

3:30-3:45 

Nurse baby.

4:30-4:45 

Nurse baby, try convincing her it is not time to wake up yet. 

Pat pat pat her back.

5:00-6:00 

Seriously, it's not time to wake up yet. 

Pat, pat, pat... 

Nurse baby. 

Pat, pat, pat... 

Okay fine, might as well get up.

And then we do it all over again.

It is a busy life, but it is also perfect and beautiful! I don't have much time to workout these days, I eat terrible, and I still have 10 more pounds of pregnancy weight to lose. But... I don't care. I mean yeah, I care because I want to be in shape again and go to the gym... but I know I'll have time for that later. But Blakely will not be a baby forever, proven by my older two kids that have grown like weeds.

So for now I'll just workout when I can, pack 5 millions bags to take to work with me every day, and enjoy this crazy hectic life we live!

Much love,
Destiny

I'm BACK!: 3 Months Later

3 months ago little Miss Blakely JoAnn Darbison came into this world at 12 something in the afternoon (I'm a terrible mother, I can't remember the exact time). She weighed 7 lbs 15 oz and was 19.25 inches long.

I can't believe it's already been 3 months! Blakely is the spunkiest little baby. And Jordan turned SEVEN in January. Y'all. I can't HANDLE how big my "baby" Jordan is getting!! Him and Ali are so good with the baby. Jordan loves her to pieces and says that since she smiles at him all the time, she must have loved him first before anyone else! And Ali has some kind of magic and knows just what to do to calm miss priss down when she's cranky. Not once have either of them showed signs of jealousy or anything. They are so in love with their baby sister!

Miss Blakely loves:

• Looking at the world. She talks to inanimate objects all the time!
• Bath time
• Her family (her favorites are her sister and brother!)
• EATING. This chunky little girl lets you know when it's time to eat, even if it's only been an hour since she last nursed. 
• Being held allllll the time 

She does not like:

• Her car seat. Unless someone is back there entertaining/feeding her, she'll cry the entire time. The longest trip I've taken with just her was nearly 2 hours. It was not a fun trip!
• Being held by strangers. You may not be a stranger to me, but you are to her! 
• Having her diaper changed.
• Sleep. LOL She's getting better but this baby can FIGHT sleep like a pro. 

Look at these precious pictures taken by Rustic Images when Blakely was only 3 weeks old: 

In other news: 

I've started working out again! At 6 weeks postpartum my doctor released me for physical activity and I went home and ran a one mile test run to see how it felt. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was able to do the whole mile without stopping even though it was pretty slow. I was happy about it! 

Since then I've been doing random at-home workouts with my beautiful Rogue equipment that my husband bought me for my birthday back in October (when I couldn't play with it much!). I only workout baby 3-4 days a week. I usually get home a little before 6, so I miss out on the 5:30 class at the gym everyday. By then the sun is going down, I need to pump or nurse, and the baby is cranky and ONLY WANTS MOM. lol But sometimes I just go outside and workout anyway because I need it for my mental health! My workouts usually don't last more than 20 minutes. 

My shoulder has improved a little bit. I can finally do pullups and push presses again with a barbell. I'm totally worthless when it comes to dumbells. I struggle pushing up FIVE POUNDS overhead with my right arm. I still can't back squat more than 45 pounds, the weight of the bar and the angle at which I have to hold my arm hurts realllly bad. I think eventually I'll get there but it's going to take a lot of work (I'm good a that) and patience (I'm bad at that). 

So far, I've lost about 30 pounds, so 10 more to go before I am back at pre-baby weight. I really don't care if I get down to that or not... 5 more is my goal but I'm not stressing over it. As long as I can workout again like I want to, I don't really care! 

Sleep: I get maybe a total of 5-6 hours of sleep on good nights, 3-4 on the rough nights. Blakely usually wakes up to nurse every 2 hours. On good nights she'll eat and go back to sleep, on bad nights she eats, fusses, eats, fusses, sleeps maybe 30 minutes, fusses, etc. Those are the times I'm lucky to get an hour stretch of sleep!

Nutrition: Blakely helps quite a bit to ensure I don't eat too terrible. Since I'm nursing, there are foods I have to avoid to keep her from being too gassy (and CRANKY). I can't eat:

Ice cream

Milk

Pizza

Doritos (but Tostitos are okay... lol)

Peanut butter (Sad)

Anything with garlic

Beans

Certain types of veggies

Bananas

Sausage

Eggs

Those are the things I'm certain upset her... I try not to add anything new to my diet EVER because it's too risky! LOL 

Basically I eat the same things day in and day out: coffee, dry waffles, granola bars, crackers, sandwiches, white rice, chicken... It's a very bland diet but I'd rather eat this way and get a little more sleep at night! 

And there you have it, our first 3 months in a nutshell!

The Day Before

**I wrote this the day before my scheduled c-section: Wednesday, December 13, 2017**

Tomorrow is THE DAY and the clock seems to be standing still (as it has done for the past 39 weeks!). So obviously I have what feels like hours and hours and days and days to ponder the arrival of Blakely JoAnn Darbison.

I wonder what she'll look like. I wonder if she'll take a pacifier or, like Jordan, refuse it 99% of the time. I wonder if she'll have a birth mark. I can't wait to be super weird and count those 10 little fingers and 10 little toes, just to make sure. I wonder if she'll play sports someday! Will it be basketball? Softball? Track? Will she enjoy reading? Will she love school?

I wonder if she'll have hair! I hope she's healthy and happy and that everything goes as planned. I pray for her future and ours. I know from experience that you can't always protect your children from hurt, from sickness, from sin. But I pray that God gives us the ability to guide and comfort her in all areas of her life. I hope I can be a patient mother. Loving. Accepting.

I pray that Ali and Jordan never feel neglected or replaced by their baby sister. I want them to understand that my love is SO ABUNDANT that I could never love them less. My heart just continues to grow and grow to make room for all the love I feel for my husband and children.

I pray that Ali never feels "left out" of our family; being a stepdaughter means she doesn't get to spend as much time with her siblings. But she is so loved and admired already by her baby brother, and I am certain that her and Blakely will be so close, just like I am with all of my sisters. I pray that Jordan forgets how badly he wanted a brother!

I wonder if the house will ever be clean again after today! I hope that I can just ignore the mess and cherish the memories. I worry about how I'm going to handle the next couple of weeks with ALL THREE kids at home (Christmas Break, y'all!).

I wonder what my body will look like after this. I was so very happy with the way I looked before this pregnancy; will I have be content again? Will I be able to get back in shape? How long will it be before I feel "normal" again? How long will it take? How hard will it be?

I pray that Blakely sleeps! I remember endless, sleepless nights with Jordan. I remember hiding in the car at 3 in the morning so I could get some rest while my husband tended to the baby. I pray that she doesn't have ear problems or colic or anything else that would cause her pain or discomfort.

Oh Blakely, we all love you so much already. I am so ready to meet you and hold you and watch you grow. We promise to take you to church and teach you what it means to have a relationship with Jesus. We will try our best to be good examples. We'll likely show you that no one is perfect, even mom and dad! We promise to teach you love, forgiveness, and acceptance, but also how to stand up for yourself and what you believe.

I am so proud to be your mommy. I love you. See you tomorrow!