Pregnancy: 35 Weeks

Today I am 35 weeks along... In 4 short (HA) weeks I'll have a BABY. I guess I've known this all along... I've seen her on the ultrasound screen, felt her ballet skills inside of me, endured the endless nights of heartburn and peeing 400 times a day... but still, it's hard to wrap my head around there being a BABY at the end of all this! What a MIRACLE!

I occasionally have minor bouts of anxiety ("WHAT WERE WE THINKING!?") but for the most part, I think I've been fairly calm and collected. I'm sure when she's here and I'm holding her and looking into her beautiful little eyes, I'll panic. But I feel much more prepared this time.

I look back at when I had Jordan and seriously... I don't know how the poor child survived. I had NO idea what I was doing! And I felt utterly depressed about how "broken" I was as a mother. Everyone said, "Oh, you'll just know what to do, your maternal instincts will kick in the minute he's here." Well, mine never did. Throw being a stepparent into the mix, I was royally failing at parenting! I think maybe when Jordan turned 4 or 5, and Ali was around 9, I started to feel like I was getting the whole "mom" thing down... but I still have days when I look at their beautiful faces and think, "I'm screwing them up so much."

The bad thing is: I'm probably right.

The good thing is: Surely I'm not the only mom to ever feel this way!

So, Moms of the world, take heart: you're not alone! Your own mother and grandmother may have seemed to always have it together, but I'm going to bet she had her own insecurities and doubts and fears. We're all just here doing the best we can with what we have, so GOOD JOB, MOMS!

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Today's Date: 11/16/17

How many weeks: 35 (28 days to go!)

Trimester: 3rd

How big is the baby?: Baby girl weighs about 5.25 pounds (size of a honeydew melon) and approximately 18.5 inches long! Whoa baby! 

Weight gain: Funny story... my doctor LAUGHED at me at my most recent appointment because I'd gained SEVEN pounds in two weeks. How. Is. That. Even. POSSIBLE!? So anyway... yeah... 30 lbs (This is according to my scale. The doctor's scale is the devil so I've learned to ignore it).

Food cravings: Well, after the 7-pounds-in-two-weeks fiasco, I decided to cut out cake, candy, sweets... and basically that's the hardest thing in the world to do and I all I really want is cake, candy, and sweets. So instead I eat a lot of other really bad things, probably canceling out my effort.

Food aversions: None. Zero. Zilch. 

Diet: I wish I could convey my *sigh* into this post. Some days my eating habits are stellar. I should get a blue ribbon. On other days... well... burgers and fries and pizzas rule me. And yet I still feel shocked when I step on the scale... I have noticed, however, with my recent cutback on sugar that I don't swell quite as bad... score! *I'd like my blue ribbon, now*

Exercise: What exercise? I have replaced lifting, running, and crossfit with laundry, cleaning, and eating. Sometimes I don't even go to lunch because the idea of walking ALL THE WAY to my car seems like way too much work.

Aches and pains: ALL THE ACHES AND PAINS. The doctor asks me each visit, "Are you having any pain?" and I always respond, "Yes, every single day." And then we have a good laugh and then I have a good cry...

My tailbone and pelvic bone and lower back and ribs all hurt. Sitting, standing, walking... to top it all off, my stupid SHOULDER still hurts. I am approaching the one-full-year-since-surgery date and it STILL HURTS. I can't lay on my right side and it wakes me up multiple times at night throbbing. Very frustrating. 

Clothes: I'm lucky to have anything that still fits. Sometimes I just stand in my closet and stare at all the cute things I can't wear. Confession: I've kept two entire Stitch Fix boxes in the past 6 months and most of those things still have the tags on them... someday, I WILL wear them. For now, they're just taking up closet space.

Right now I basically wear the same 2 pair of pants over and over again, and t-shirts. I'm lucky to have a really understanding boss because I'm pretty sure my XL t-shirts paired with maternity jeans and Converses are not, technically, "business attire." I've also given up on regular bras. Sports bras are life.

Favorite moment this week: Okay so this was last week but... 34 week appointment! Getting to hear her heartbeat is always so special.

We've also now had 3 perfectly wonderful baby showers! I have such amazing friends, family, and co-workers! And now the nesting begins... which is way more stressful than comforting because my two girls have to share a room, and Miss Ali CANNOT keep her room clean. So every time I go in there to organize the baby's things... I trip over shoes or clothes or random knickknacks!

Lastly, I've started wrapping Christmas presents! I am getting a big jump-start on Christmas this year. I doubt I'm going to feel like shopping and wrapping gifts in the next few weeks, so I'm trying to get it all done NOW! I also started hanging up the outside Christmas lights. Half of them don't work. *ANGRY FACE*

Looking forward to: Thanksgiving! This is one of my FAVORITE times of year because we get the whole family together. With my side of the family, that literally only happens MAYBE once a year. I love cooking (and eating) and then of course decorating for Christmas. I really want the next 4 weeks to go by fast because I'm miserable BUT I also want it to go by slow so I can really enjoy family time and having a few days off work... what a conundrum!