Friday, September 7, 2012

It's Never "Easy"

Today I am obviously cranky and having Dr Pepper withdrawls. It's been like 48 hours since my last DP injection and so I apologize for anything stupid I may say/do over the next few minutes/days/weeks/months.

Let's get right to it: being "skinny" (or fit or small or healthy or whatever is socially acceptable to say right now) can sometimes be a pain in the behind. This morning I woke up and really wanted the donut but ate the banana and 20 ounces (yes, twenty) of coffee instead. Lunch time rolls around and I'd love a nice slice of pizza with a side of ranch dressing and cheese dippers. *Drool* Instead I had tuna on wheat and some baby carrots. I don't want to eat this apple for my afternoon snack; what I WANT is a king size Almond Joy.
Let's get one thing straight: I am nowhere near what most people consider a "health nut." I eat crap all the time. I'm only 48 hours off my DP, remember? But I try to eat at least half as much good foods as I do crap. So I do eat my vegetables and I try (and try and try) to avoid bad foods. This is what happens: Almost everyday at some point at least one person says to me, "You're so small... it wouldn't kill you to just eat the one donut." It's true, that one donut (like the one I had for breakfast yesterday morning, btw) won't ruin me. But if I ate a donut (or a cheeseburger or whatever) every single time someone said that to me... I wouldn't be where I am now.

My point is this: it's hard. I saw this quote on Pinterest the other day (or something like it because I can't find it now...): "Being overweight is hard. Being skinny is hard. Being healthy is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard." I love it because it's true. I've been maintaining now for over a year and it's still not easy. If I don't count my calories every. single. day. I eat way too much, it never fails. It's hard. But you know what else was hard? Looking at my body in the mirror after my son was born was hard. Trying on size 12 jeans (that were too small) was hard. Seeing tagged photos of myself on Facebook was hard. Stepping on the scale was hard. For me those things were emotionally hard whereas eating healthier and exercising are physically and mentally hard.

It's about what makes you the happiest... which kind of "hard" will be the most satisfying? That's the one you choose.

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